We are going to continue in our relationship series. Today, Larry Bilotta joins me. Larry has been helping people in their relationships and marriages for years and his heart for doing this was birthed from his own marriage. He talks about how the first 27 years of his marriage were awful and then in year 28 something changed. They have now been married for over 40 years. We talk about his marriage and what caused it to fall apart but then what helped it change. We talk about how the messages we hear in childhood shape how we experience relationships as adults. We talk about what those messages sound like, the solution to them and how to take ownership of them.
The last several days have turned everything upside down so I decided to do my monthly solo episode early after a friend encouraged me to address how to survive the quarantine. With all the unknown surrounding the CoronoVirus, our emotions are high. How in the world are we supposed to social distance ourselves and work from home and home school the kids?!
To address this, family joins me around the table to talk about what we are feeling and thinking right now about the virus. Then, I share a few tips on how to survive being quarantined.
I welcome my friend Nicole Zasowski back to the table. She first joined me back on episode 161. If you haven’t listened to that one, I highly recommend it especially if you have walked through any type of change or loss that was really hard. Nicole is a Marriage and Family Therapist and recently published a book called From Lost to Found: Giving Up What You Think You Want For What Will Set You Free and it is a beautiful and helpful book. For this episode, I pulled out a chapter in her book on relationships and talk about how to be a good partner by moving away from a dependent or independent stance to one of interdependence. We talk about how we are responsible for being loving in our relationships but not responsible for making someone feel loved. And we spend some time unpacking what it looks like to self-regulate the emotions you feel in a relationship and how to figure out what your best self looks like so that you can show up as that person.
We have a really great conversation about conflict. We talk about why there’s beauty in conflict; our different styles of conflict; how the way we were raised affects how we handle conflict; practical steps to deal with conflict, how personality plays into it, and how our nonverbal communication plays a role. We have a really fascinating conversation about congruency in our communication—what we feel and what we say—and why that matters so much. I gained so much wisdom from this conversation and I think you will too