Kelly Flanagan joins me for Episode 94. This was one of my conversations. You guys, I took so many notes when I went back to edit this show. In fact, the conversation itself really did feel like a counseling session for me. Kelly is a husband, father, clinical psychologist, blogger, and author of the book Loveable: Embracing What Is Truest About You, So You Can Truly Embrace Your Life.
We talk about the idea of being lovable—that you are enough, you are not alone and you matter by unpacking worthiness, belonging and purpose. We talk about how to rediscover your unique worthiness, how to redeem the shame we carry and how there is a loveliness to ordinary.
Takeaways From Our Conversation:
His words hit me like a ton of bricks when he said that our first task is to be able to delight in ourselves before we can be able to delight in someone else.Boom. I want to see a show of hands how many of us delight in ourselves. I will be the first to raise my hand. Do we think that we are delightful? But this is 100% connected to being able to find delight in other people and to be delighted by someone else. That is definitely something that I want to spend some time working on.
We all have a worthy self inside of us. Observe the voice of shame as an event within us and begin to listen to a different voice. Start to listen to the voice of grace. When you hear the shame let it be a reminder to listen for the voice of grace. Our shame is always calling us back to grace.
There’s loveliness in ordinary and it's okay to be ordinary you. Why do we believe that ordinary isn’t enough? We feel like we have to make a difference and get recognition—that’s the other side of shame. Let’s start by being our ordinary selves. Let’s take back that word.
When it comes to belonging, you aren’t trying to compare or complete but truly to connect. Don’t focus on what you can get but what you can give.
How does the idea of ordinary help you understand why you matter (or your purpose)? It's rare that our God given passion and reason for being here overlap extraordinary. Embrace those ordinary passions. We all have our one note to play - God has created us all with a note to play that only you can play.
When we embrace our worthiness then we have the courage to reveal who we are to people and then as we do we discover where we belong and then through conversation with them and encouragement from them we begin to feel support to do our thing in the world.
When it comes to our kids, how can I help foster these (worthiness, belonging, purpose) things in them? Acknowledge your limited ability of what you can do. We can do the best we can but we will make mistakes. We are limited. MAYBE THIS ISN’T SUCH A BAD THING—THINK ABOUT REDEMPTION. God is the redeemer of all things.
Abide with our children. We stay with them in the shame. We connect with them through our own. We stress because we don’t want to be the reason they have shame because it will ultimately bring me shame. But we need those things to happen along the way so that we can understand our worthiness.
Thank you for following along life with me. I love being apart of your day. And as always, I hope this show helps you survive a little easier.